We all have our vices, our habits and our issues and it’s interesting how we each deal with them independently even though the basis for their formations are pretty basic and the same. I have many habits, both good and bad that I struggle with on a daily basis. Everyday that goes by I would hope that some mention of any of them would be non-existent, but so far nothing. I’ve been a nail biter since I was a child, a smoker for all of my 20’s, a subconscious eater (usually happens while watching tv, I am so engrossed that I don’t think about the food in front of me), a fast eater, self over-analyzer and a self-proclaimed healer of emotions from everyone around me making it harder to heal myself. But I have to say that above all those habits and issues, my biggest vice of all is procrastination.
Ever since I was a kid, I wanted to do everything. I wanted to be an actress, a singer, a dancer, the first female Dodger, a gymnast, artist, writer, etc. Basically master of the arts and sports so I guess not everything. The problem I had was that I had so many interests that I would obsess with one at a time and stick with it until I hit a road block, writers block, financial block, etc., and I would stop and move on to the next re-engaging in the same full throttle excitement as the project before. To this day, I don’t think I have 100% completed a single task. So in almost 29 years, I have nothing to show but a lot of great ideas, started projects and a trail of failure that could be easily turned around if I just stuck with something for once.
In High School, I was obsessed with Theatre and Choir. It was all I cared about. I had dreams of Julliard or NYU in hopes I could be the next Robin Williams or Kevin Spacey or what not. Because I was so focused on the fun classes and not the serious ones, I never had the grades worthy enough of such schools. My SAT was not too bad considering I never studied and had I did, who knows where I would be today. So I decided after High School, to go to a community college. I didn’t want Pierce, because it was so close that I wanted to have some sort of college feel so I decided to drive 60 miles round trip every day to Valencia and College of the Canyons. The first semester wasn’t too bad and I really enjoyed English and Studio Singing, but the rest, I half assed and never took seriously.
The second semester I had 2 theatre classes and public speaking and I thought this is better because it was all right up my alley. Unfortunately, soon into the semester, my grandmother passed away in Vegas and I took some time off school to be up there. When I came back, I was so behind that I dropped all the classes. At least I thought I did, but apparently I ended up with three fails. I decided to try and enjoy life for now and in the fall, I would go back and try again…but procrastination took over and for 10 years, I never thought twice about going back to school.
It wasn’t until last year when my BFF was getting her diploma that I was sitting in the chairs thinking about the road she had to get to this point. I realized how proud I was and at sad that I didn’t stick with it and we could have been up there together or something. I joked to Erick about going back to school and he thought it was great.
It’s interesting that just as hard of a procrastinator I am, I am equally impatient. Within a day or two of the graduation I was on the COC website looking into how I would go back and in what seemed like a long process, a few weeks later, I was logging into my virtual classroom for the first time. I found a program through the school that you could take some courses in 5 week sessions rather than the general 16 weeks. I was so impatient that I wanted to head towards this goal. Everyone thought I was crazy and should just start with one class over summer and see how I liked it before committing to everything. The impatience in me said that wasn’t good enough and so I enrolled in 4 classes over summer, 2 classes per 5 week session. The classes went by so quick and it was pretty challenging, but I finished the summer sessions with 2 A’s and 2 B’s, which are grades I never got my first attempt at college, nor Junior high or High School years. By the end of the Fall semester, I had completed a total of 9 classes. I just finished my first complete year of school with 12 classes and should have my 2 year degree by this time next year.
The point of this blog is not to brag in any way, shape or form. It’s to prove to us procrastinators out there that we can achieve greatness once we make the decision to do it. I am definitely not perfect and I still bite my nails and smoke, but I can say that I made a decision to finish something that I started and I am on the road to completing it. Hell, after this semester was over, I have been seriously contemplating on the notion of going to Law School. It seems like an unattainable task and I may change my mind tomorrow, but the point is, is that I know I can do it if in the end that is what I really want.
The point I am trying to make is not for you to go back to school and become a lawyer. Whether its finishing the screenplay you started years ago, or finishing the 1000 piece puzzle that has been sitting on your table for years, to finishing that scrapbook you keep saying you will do later. If it’s recording that demo, taking that baking class, or finishing that book, procrastination doesn’t have to run your life. I personally feel a little procrastination is ok when there is a deadline and I have that pressure on me. Sometimes it makes you work better because you HAVE to finish it. But that is just me. I am making the decision to finish what I started. I started with school and continuing with the garage project of cleaning it out, organizing and throwing away shit that I don’t need. This project has been over 10 years in the making and I am confident that when I log into that class online in August, I can do it from a clean, organized and spotless garage.
Now that you have heard some of my procrastinations, I am curious to hear about yours. 🙂
Random Thoughts…What’s your thought today?