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2 Weeks into 2020 and what a crazy ride so far!

Updated: Jan 28, 2020

This morning I was up at 2:30am. Not because of insomnia or negative stress or rowdy sheep counting.

I was up at 2:30am because I had to get ready for a TV Segment.


This experience happened so quickly that I hadn't had time to really process it.

- I submitted my story to the show

- I got a call 2 hours later asking questions and getting to know me better. After 30 minutes, I was asked to submit a video showing my personality and my struggles with self image, weight and self-esteem

- Hop in the shower, throw on a face, do the hair and then spend 30 minutes trying to record 60 seconds.

*I mean what do you say in 60 seconds to sum up 38 years??

- Another 30 mins later and a text arrives that they want me to be on the show!

- 2 Days later, an interview is filmed and a blank assignment is given. Ironically, it seemed along the lines of something I wanted to do for a couple of weeks so it was serendipitous that such a thing was mentioned.

** Oh and by the way, they are hoping you can complete this in less than a week....**

- Round up some people, create a workshop from scratch and find a way to execute it without crippling down from anxiety, nerves, fear of judgement or unknown of the outcome of this "assignment"


Pssh. This pressure reminded me of college when I started my term paper at 11pm to be due by midnight. Some of us are in advance planners, everything mapped out ahead of time with room for repairs, changes and adjustments.

Not me

Nope, somehow I thrive when the clock is ticking so loud, it matches the vibrations of my fast beating heart. The agonizing anticipation if I can pull this off, all while having impact, both positive and powerful. Would this work?

2 nights ago it was determined that yes, yes I could.

I know the suspense is killing in wondering what I did 2 nights ago. Well fun for me, not not so much for you right now, I can't reveal much because it will be discussed on the show and as of this moment, I don't know the exact release date, only that it airs sometime in the next month.

I will say this though. It was very eye opening for me, an amazing exercise that seemed to go extremely well with the women who were there. And now that this was done, all that was left was the uneasy pit in my stomach that in less than 48 hours, I will be on TV talking about this and my experience the week prior.

*CUE Rocky Theme Music*

How do you prepare yourself for exposure on a grand scale, in a world where social media is riddle is criticism, hate and judgement? And in 24 hours time?

You don't. At least I tried not to. There were way too many variables to consider. How I looked physically, how I talked, how are people going to comment, how will those to me react.

When you put yourself out there, you do it for yourself in the hopes that it resonates positively with people. Expect haters, criticism and judgement. It's naive not to but if you focus on the potential positive impacts, that that becomes your driving force and your motivation for success.

Sure I was nervous. Hell, I was scared shitless, but the people on the crew were so amazing welcome and I had someone with me for support, who wouldn't let me fumble.

Do I know how this will turn out? Nope

Do I know how this will be perceived? Nope

Do I know how this may or may not change my life? Nope

Do I care?

Nope. I did this for me. For part of my greater good. For a step into living my best life.

So grateful for the amazing team of people at The Doctors show. They were extremely welcoming, kind and supportive. Looking forward to seeing the final product!

And the nerd in me totally geeked out that there was a dressing room for me with my smurfin name on it!

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